So Sick
by tentsubasa
Summary: Ne yo's "So Sick." Kazuki and Kahoko separate after he's done something unforgivable, but they're both just so tired of feeling sad and empty.


**Urgh…This is not my best work, but I couldn't figure out how to improve it, and it's not so bad that it doesn't deserve its 15 seconds of fame…Sorry! =(**

**Since "So Sick" sort of alludes to other songs, the lyrics for "So Sick" will be in bold italics, and the lyrics to other songs the characters listen to will just be in bold.**

**Here's a link to "So Sick" (youtube…com/watch?v=mqvvaOQWsBM). Here's one to Ai Otsuka's "Daisuki Da Yo" (youtube…com/watch?v=QvQ29dw7_Wc). And here's one to Arashi's "Blue" (jukebo…com/arashi/music-clip,blue,q0x80s…html).**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Kiniro no Corda**_** or any affiliates; I also do not own any of the songs that were used in this story.**

* * *

"I'm home," Kazuki Hihara announced to the empty apartment. With a sad sigh, he placed his bag next to the table and went to the refrigerator to get some dinner. As he walked over, he mentally kicked himself. What had he been expecting? An answer?

_**Mmmm mmm yeah**_

Taking out some tea, he poured it in a glass before turning back to the refrigerator and retrieving a boxed lunch he had bought from the store the other day. He should seriously consider actually learning how to cook.

_**Do do do do do do do-do**_

As he ate his dinner in solitude, he looked over his to-do list.

_**Ohh Yeah**_

His eyes lingered on the last item on the list: change the message on the answering machine.

_**Gotta change my answering machine**_**  
**_**Now that I'm alone**_

He stood next to the answering machine for a full minute before hesitantly beginning the process.

_**Cause right now it says that we**_

His eyes flashed in pain as he heard two cheery voices state, "You've reached the Hiharas! We _**Can't come to the phone**_ right now. Please leave your name, number, and a brief message and we'll get back to you."

Sighing in defeat, he hit the cancel button and threw himself into his grading. Every so often, he would turn to look back at it.

_**And I know it makes no sense**_

He sighed sadly as his eyes slid over to a picture of him and his wife beaming toward the camera.

'_**Cause you walked out the door**_

She had left him; he couldn't blame her. Sometimes he wished he could. Maybe it would make things easier, but it was his fault. He could feel tears rising to his eyes again. He supposed since they were more-or-less on the fast track to divorce, he should change the answering machine, but it was just…as completely pathetic as it was, he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

_**But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore**_

Every time he tried to approach her and talk, she just kept pushing further away from him and drew more and more into herself. Finally, his mother-in-law begged him to stay away and give her time to heal and come to terms with things.

_**(it's ridiculous)  
It's been months  
And for some reason I just  
(can't get over us)  
And I'm stronger than this**_

As he felt himself give into his tears and loneliness, he loathed himself. It had been this way for almost four months, and he was no more over any of it than he was before.

_**(enough is enough)  
No more walking round  
With my head down**_

This was supposed to be a chance for them to clear their heads and gain some perspective, but none of that was happening. He was just so tired of feeling sad and empty.

_**I'm so over being blue  
Crying over you**_

Deciding he needed to disperse the oppressive silence, he walked over to the radio and flicked it on. When the chorus of Arashi's "Blue" began to flow through the speakers, he physically flinched.

_**And I'm so sick of love songs**_

Covering his face with his hands, he closed his eyes and began to weep.

_**So tired of tears**_

**Aitakute aitakute (I long to see you. I long to see you.)  
Yume janai hon mono no kimi ni (Not the person I see in my dreams, but the real you)**

He stood there, letting the words wash over him, allowing them to reopen all the wounds the last four months had wrought on his heart. He felt a twinge of dull resentment at the aching emptiness he felt.

_**So done with wishing you were still here**_

**Aenakute aenakute (We can't see each other again. We can't see each other again.)  
Yukiba no nai omoi ni oboreteru (I'm drowning in feelings that have no place to go.)**

_**Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow**_

How truly those lyrics reminded him of his current, blighted existence.

_**So why can't I turn off the radio?**_

But as much as it tore at him to listen to the song and yearn for her, he just didn't have the heart to turn it off.

~ (;_;) ~

_**Gotta fix that calendar I have**_**  
**_**That's marked July 15th**_

Kahoko Hihara looked over at the calendar by her old bed and smiled sadly at the date—July 15, her wedding anniversary. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself, imagining it was her husband holding her.

_**Because since there's no more you  
There's no more anniversary**_

She missed him so much; but, since she had been the one to walk out, she really had no right to complain.

She frowned and scolded herself. She was supposed to be angry at him. She wasn't supposed to be missing him.

_**I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you  
And your memory**_

She felt tears rise to her eyes. After all…it was mostly his fault. He had allowed their family to be broken.

_**And how every song reminds me  
Of what used to be**_

To be fair though, it's not as if she had been any less responsible. She sighed as she flicked on the radio to try and distract herself from her thoughts. "_If I had been there-_"

When she heard Ai Otsuka's "Daisuki Da Yo" come over the sound waves, she recoiled from the device as if it were a slug.

_**That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs**_

She turned her face away in pain as a torrent of silent tears cascaded down her face.

_**So tired of tears**_

Turning to the window, she wrapped her arms around herself again and let the words wash over her.

**Tetsuya de kaette kite tsukareteru noni, dakko shite kurete (You came home so tired after working all night long but still you held me lovingly.)  
Yume no naka ni ite mo wakatta yo (Though I was already dreaming, I knew you were there with me.)**

_**So done with wishing you were still here**_

**Anata ga koishikute…koishikute (I miss you so much…miss you so much.)  
kore ijou doushiyou mo nakute (I can't do anything more than this.)**

Of all the songs that chose to play in this moment, it had to be this one: one that spoke so blatantly of the longing she had been trying to squash just moments ago.

_**Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow**_

**Anata ga koishikute…koishikute (I miss you so much…miss you so much.)  
Zutto…zutto…Daisuki da yo. (Always…Forever…I will love you.)**

_**So why can't I turn off the radio?**_

She stared blankly out the window, letting her tears pool on the sill as the music continued to softly play in the background.

~ (;_;) ~

_**(Leave me alone)**_

He lay awake listening to his alarm. Why had he thought a radio alarm clock was a good idea?

_**Leave me alone**_

Come to think of it, why had he bothered to set an alarm when it was a Saturday? There was no school to wake up for.

_**(Stupid love songs)**_

As yet another artist crooned a love song, he turned over in bed, covering his head with his pillow. After a few seconds, he gave up and turned back over and just listened with tears glistening in his eyes. He could practically see her lying next to him, a sleepy smile on her face as she brushed back an unruly lock of red.

_**Don't make me think about her smile**_

As he looked on her side of the bed, he felt a different, deeper pang of anguish when his eyes fell on a picture of a little girl with her mother's red hair and her father's amber eyes and wide smile. "_Tatsuko…_"

_**Or having my first child**_

Heaving a sob, he smashed his hand down on the off button.

_**I'm letting go  
Turning off the radio**_

He hugged his knees, shedding bitter tears of anger, guilt, and loss as he thought of his daughter.

'_**Cause I'm so sick of love songs  
So tired of tears**_

He lost her. How could he have lost her? He was a failure as a father. He was supposed to protect her and now she was gone because of his carelessness.

_**So done with wishing she was still here**_

Why hadn't he taken her with him when he went to get their snacks, instead of leaving her to play on the jungle gym by herself?

_**Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow**_

As he berated himself with more what ifs, he clutched the picture of his six-year-old daughter to his chest.

_**So why can't I turn off the radio?**_

When his tears had dissolved into dry heaving, he sat and stared at the picture of his angel. Kissing her forehead, he hoarsely whispered, "Daddy's so sorry for leaving you. He's so sorry."

_**(why can't I turn off the radio?)**_

~ (;_;) ~

Kahoko hugged Tatsuko's picture as if to try and fill the hole in her heart with the image.

_**Said I'm so sick of love songs**_

She cried softly, her heart suffering from the guilt and loss.

_**So tired of tears**_

She should have been there. She could have prevented it. The house hadn't really been that dirty. How could she have chosen dishes over her daughter? What kind of mother was she?!

_**So done with wishing she was still here**_

She wiped her eyes and examined the sweet face that beamed up at her from the frame lying in her lap. Her bottom lip trembled as her misty eyes ran over the photograph.

_**Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow**_

Her eyes locked on the eyes Tatsuko had inherited from her father. As she gazed deeply into those pools of clear, liquid amber, she wondered—not for the first time—whether maybe it would be better to suffer together than alone. After all…they were both to blame.

_**So why can't I turn off the radio?**_

Maybe it was time to try and forgive.

_**(why can't I turn off the radio?)**_

~ (;_;) ~

She stood for what felt like hours before the door to their home.

**And I'm so sick of love songs**

Hesitantly, she lifted her hand to the door and timidly knocked.

**So tired of tears**

Her heart sinking when no one answered, she began to turn away when she heard her husband's voice exclaim, "A-are you certain?! Yes! Yes! Of course! I'm on my way!" Alarmed at the agitation in his voice, she banged on the door, calling out his name urgently.

**So done with wishing you were still here**

Throwing it open, Kazuki stood in shock, staring at his wife, drinking in the sight of her like a man dying of thirst. Suddenly remembering himself, he started, "Kaho-chan, I-"

"Wait," she ordered, placing a couple fingers to his lips to silence him.

**Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow**

Pulling back her hand self-consciously she blushed and apologized, "I…I'm so sorry for leaving." She bent her head in shame. "I was just so angry at you and…at myself."

**Why can't I turn off the radio?**

He looked at her in surprise. "At yourself? Why?" he blurted out.

Tears welled up in her eyes.

**(why can't I turn off the radio?)**

"I could have prevented it. If I had gone with you two instead of staying here to clean, then she wouldn't have been alone." She looked up at him with tear-brimmed eyes and whispered, "I…I almost went with you. But…" her voice broke, "The stupid dishes kept me at home away from my daughter when she needed me most!"

**Why can't I turn off the radio?**

She covered her face with her hands. "If only I had chosen differently…."

Quickly wrapping his arms around the distraught woman, he gently rocked her, quietly shushing her self-imposed accusations.

She melted in his arms. It felt so good to be with him again, to feel his comfort seep into her like a warm bath on an icy day. Lifting her head up toward him, she looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, "Can you forgive me for leaving?"

Fiercely kissing her forehead, he pressed her more closely to himself and answered, "There's nothing to forgive." He laughed mirthlessly, "I couldn't forgive myself for leaving her by herself. I can hardly blame you for not wanting to be around the man who'd allowed your child to be kidnapped." Suddenly his eyes widened and he pulled away from his wife. "Kaho-chan! I-I almost forgot! Seeing you here, it just…I mean…." Distractedly he repeated, "I can't believe I almost forgot!" His voice cracking from barely-checked emotion, he whispered, "They found her!"

She looked up at him like a deer staring into headlights. "_They…_found her_?_"

Tears of joy and relief poured out of his eyes as he placed his hands on her shoulders and gazed at her. "They found Tatsuko, Kaho-chan. They have her at the station. She's bruised and half-starving, but she's safe. The police called just a minute ago."

Feeling her legs give out from under her, they sank to the ground. A multitude of emotions ran through her system before finally settling somewhere between hysteria and relief. They had found her. She was safe. Tatsuko was safe.

"Thank God!" she sobbed as she clung to him, burying her tears of relief in his shoulder. "Thank God!"

Everything was going to be all right.

* * *

**Ok, so I suppose this should have had a sad ending, because the song ends kind of hopelessly, but as it's positively miserable outside, I figured there was enough gloom going around already. XD This ends on a happier note, but it's not perky, so I hope it's not betraying the song too much.**

**I made up the name for their daughter by taking the ****ki**** character in ****Kazuki****, which can also be read as ****tatsu****, and the ko**** in ****Kahoko****. So I guess it comes out meaning tree child or something like that. Since her hair is red and her eyes are amber, I figured I should come up with a new name since she looks nothing like Kasumi from "The Journey."**


End file.
